Mustang Rambles

DOG PROPERTY LAWS

1. If I like it, it’s mine.

2. If it’s in my mouth, it’s mine.

3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine.

4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine.

5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

6. If I’m chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.

7. If it just looks like mine, it’s mine.

8. If I saw it first, it’s mine.

9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically

becomes mine.

10. If it’s broken, it’s yours.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Neither understands what you see in cats.

7. Neither does any dishes.

8. Both break wind shamelessly.

9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

10. Both like dominance games.

11. Both are suspicious of the postman.

HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.

3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.

4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.

5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.

6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch. (and they never laugh at

how you throw.)

7. You can train a dog.

8. Dogs are easy to buy for.

9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the really

worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it

and you can kill the one that gives it to you).

10. Dogs understand what “no” means.

11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

PERFECT BREAKFAST

She’s sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box. Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl. And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

HAZARDOUS MATERIAL INFORMATION SHEET

MATERIALS SAFETY DATA

WOMEN — A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: Women

SYMBOL: Wo

DISCOVERER: Adam

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted @ 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg

OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, & range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning & for no reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

PLEASE POST ON ALL BULLETIN BOARDS FOR GENERAL INFORMATION

Watch Your Punctuation: Periods Happen

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we’re apart. I can be forever happy–will you let me be yours? Gloria

Dear John:

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful, people who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we’re apart I can be forever happy. Will you let me be? Yours, Gloria

Golf in Heaven

An old man and his wife were driving home one evening from a golf tournament. When they forgot to stop at a stop sign they were hit by a train and killed. When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter was checking them in and he asked, “Do you like golf?”

The man said, “Of course.”

St. Peter said, “You’re in luck, you have a tee time at eight o’clock in the morning”

At eight the next morning, the man arrived at the first tee and was partnered up with Bobby Jones, Sam Snead, and Ben Hogan. He was enthralled. He played brilliantly on an exceptionally beautiful course. After he finished, he walked up to the golf club where his wife was waiting on the veranda. She said, “How did it go? ” He raised his hand and slapped her hard.

“Why did you do that?”, she asked.

“If it hadn’t been for you and your damn bran muffins,” the man said, “I could have been here 10 years ago.”

home depot scam

FM DAUSAMILPERCEN ALEZ VA //A-POP//
TO ALL SUBORDINATE COMMANDS
ATG 7401
DTC 231432z MAR 78
UNCLAS
SUBJECT: CHANGE TO RECRUITING PROGRAM
1. DUE TO THE ENORMOUS EXPENSE OF MAINTAINING AN EFFICIENT RECRUITING PROGRAM AND THE ADDITIONAL EXPENSE AND INCONVENIENCE OF DISCHARGING UNMARRIED WOMEN WHO ARE UNABLE TO COMPLETE THEIR ENLISTMENT DUE TO UNAUTHORIZED PREGNANCY. THE FOLLOWING REVISION OF POLICY IS CONTEMPLATED.
A. UPON CERTIFICATION BY THE US ARMY MEDICAL DEPARTMENT THAT A FEMALE MEMBER OF THE ARMY HAS REACHED THE STATE OF IMPENDING MOTHERHOOD, SHE WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE PRENATAL BATTALION, FORT SAM HOUSTON, TX FOR DUTY. SUCH DUTY WILL BE IN A TDY STATUS WITHOUT PERDIEM AND TO BE TERMINATED UPON THE BIRTH OF THE CHILD OR CHILDREN.
B. THE CHILD WILL BE REGISTERED WITH THE LAST NAME OF THE SUSPECTED OR LIKELY FATHER AND A SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WILL BE ASSIGNED. IN CASE OF EXTREME DOUBT AS TO THE FATHER OF THE CHILD, THE NAME OF THE SENIOR ENLISTED MAN AT THE LAST DUTY STATION OF THE MOTHER AT THE TIME OF CONCEPTION WILL BE USED.
C. THE CHILD OR CHILDREN WLL BE MAINTAINED IN THE US ARMY NURSERY, FORT SAM HOUSTON, TX UNTIL THE AGE OF EIGHT (8) AT WHICH TIME HE/SHE/THEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO THE US ARMY ORPHAN’S FARM, FORT HOOD, TX TO BE MAINTAINED UNTIL THE AGE OF EIGHTEEN (18). UPON REACHING THIS AGE, HE/SHE/THEY WILL BE ENLISTED IN THE US ARMY AND THE MILITARY OCCUPATION SPECIALTY (MOS) OF THE FATHER WILL BE ASSIGNED. IN THE CASE OF CHILDREN FATHERED BY A CIVILIAN, MOS 11B WILL BE ASSIGNED AND HE/SHE/THEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO AN INFANTRY DIVISION AS A REPLACEMENT IN A RIFLE COMPANY.
D. AT THE TIME OF THE CHILD’S ENLISTMENT, THE PARENT OF THE SAME SEX WILL BE NOTIFIED AND, IF HAVING COMPLETED TWENTY (20) YEARS FEDERAL ACTIVE SERVICE (FAS), WILL BE PERMITTED TO RETIRE.
2. UNDER THIS SYSTEM, IT IS EXPECTED THAT THE US ARMY WILL REPRODUCE ITSELF AT A SUFFICIENT RATE, PREDICTED ON CURRENT PREGNANCY FIGURES AND UNMARRIED ENLISTED/OFFICER WOMEN, TO PERMIT PHASE-OUT OF THE RECRUITING PROGRAM ENTIRELY. IT MAY BE NECESSARY TO CURTAIL THE PROGRAM IN THE FUTURE, SHOULD ESTIMATED TURNOVER OF PERSONNEL BE EXCEEDED.
BT
H0604
NNN
UUUUU

ROUTINE, UNCLASSIFIED